And now the flip-side

[emma_in_dream]

I am so happy to be pregnant, but I do genuinely have worries.

And I'm not looking for just reassurance on this. I do welcome your constructive criticism, despite my earlier post.

* That I might have a child like my sister (in the sense of her sleep patterns). She did not need more than four hours a day of sleep and didn't sleep through til she was six years old. Could I handle this?

* That I don't have enough money. I will have to go back to work after six months, which is virtually nothing. The poor little bubba probably won't be able to sit up at that age.

I really didn't want to go back when Pearl was 18 months but six will be even worse.

* The thought of going through establishing feeding again. (And also, finally weaning Pearl).

* That I might have a child I don't like! What if I don't like him or her? What if I find him or her irritating as I do some of the children from playgroup? We'll be locked together for the rest of our lives!

* What if I can't handle two sets of children needing things at the same time. How do I feed them both at the same time? Comfort them when they are both awake at the same time?

* And what if the poor child has something wrong with his or her genes due to my advanced age? The tests came back as 1 in 500 for Downes, which is a lot worse than Pearls 1 in 3,500. That's the difference that nearly three years makes.

* And what if Pearl does not like sharing my attention?

Oh, there are lots and lots of issues. However, I believe that all parents face these issues when they have babies. So hopefully I will soldier through. One thing at a time.

Right now, priority number one is for us both to get over this wretched cold that is making us so low.

Comments

[fred_mouse]

I can't make useful comments on many of these things, but the handling two children at once, and the sharing of attention - if Pearl is a helping type child (and most are), getting her to help with the new baby will help a lot. And this doesn't need to be anything complicated "I need you to hold this toy near baby's head to keep her amused while I change her nappy". "Will you give me a cuddle while I sit and feed baby". "I'd like to read you a story, will you please bring me a book?" (works while feeding).

Other things - keeping a fruit bowl with a couple of pieces of fruit in it in reach (not too many, or they might all end up with bites in them!) so that if Pearl wants to eat while you are feeding she can be self sufficient (and bring you one as well!). I also used to keep water bottles where kids could reach, so that if I needed a drink while feeding, they could bring me one.

There are lots and lots of little things that will make this easier. I found the worst was trying to get multiple children to sleep, and my older ones watched (too) much in the way of Wiggles while I tried to settle younger ones. People will happily give you much advice - if you want it, please ask!

I think that you are very brave, to have made this choice. I had the advantage of time when I had one small child, to wait and see, so chose to not have a second one as a single parent, and I am so very glad that despite the medical issues, I was able to have more.

And a final thing - there may well come a day when you believe that you can't cope. Call a friend, call family, get them to come and be the responsible party. You are welcome to call us, and we will do our best to be there for you (A is very good at putting infants to sleep!). That panic of not being able to cope happens to lots of people, especially when there is a shortage of sleep.

[emma_in_dream]

I hope my mum will come by every evening as she did when Pearl was little.

[fred_mouse]

that sounds like a very good way to keep on top of things, because the evenings are by far the hardest (even compared to 2 in the morning when infant *won't sleep* - I have memories of crashing out in the games room, on the beanbag, with child climbing all over me and toys covering me, and waking every 5-10 minutes to make the encouraging "yes I'm still playing with you" noises)

[lauredhel]

If the child has a gene atypicality, you'll deal with it, same way as you've dealt with anything else, with a little worry and a lot of grace and love.

The sibling stuff... well, I'll let those who've parented multiple children speak to that! I come from a large family myself, with me and my brother very close together (14 months), and two other sibs, and we did fine. We all pretty much liked each other apart from the usual bickering, our parents liked us all (or at least produced a good facsimile of it), and we entertained each other as well as being entertained by our parents. Admittedly they weren't single parents, but I doubt my dad was around much at all in those days.

I'm not quite sure what you mean by worrying about weaning Pearl; is there something specific there you're worried about? She might wean herself as your supply diminishes during pregnancy, or she might not. When your mature milk comes in later, if she has weaned herself, she may want to try again; if that's ok with you, it's ok. If she hasn't weaned herself, people I know who have tandem fed have said that they found toddler-feeding really useful for relieving engorgement and blocked ducts. (Plus, feeding both at once is taken care of :) though is not so discreet in public if you prefer seekrit feeding.)

Sorry, can't help with the returning to work stuff. You do what you have to do, but I can understand you feeling the wrench in advance. I look at people in the USA who have to go to fulltime work at six weeks, and just boggle. NO idea how they cope with that.