Good and Bad Things

We are so incredibly lucky.

I can still not believe Pearl escaped with, literally, not a single scratch. It is honestly like a miracle to me.

The reason she was not injured was that she was struck and flew but was not run over. This is partly because of the great reflexes of the driver, who had seconds to swerve but managed to not go over her at least. I sent a message of thanks to the driver via the Police (as obviously they won't give me her name). I am so incredibly grateful to her.

The Police told me they don't think it's likely that she will be charged, and I said I thought she should be commended. I say that as the mother so I can't believe she will be charged.

It was also, according to the ambulance driver, incredibly lucky that she was driving that particular model because the grill design means people are less likely to go under the car if they are hit. Because of my work I know that crashes where people go over the car are way less likely to be fatal than ones where they go under the car, but I also know that children (because of their height) are more likely to be thrown down than up. I didn't think that all through at the time, but God how lucky we are.

Also, we were going to the pharmacy and that was a good place to be in an emergency. Pearl had an icepack on to keep swelling down before the ambulance even arrived.

There were lots of people to call for help. We live in a time with mobile phones. We were relatively close to the hospital.

Everyone was so incredibly kind. I want to say that that was lucky, but it wasn't really. Of course they were kind - it is human nature to help in an emergency like that.

The people who tried to phone my Mum for me were kind. The people who called the Police. The one who brought Ruby in from the traffic island. And especially the ones who drove Ruby. I had forgotten their names because I was in shock, but I remembered a detail the woman had mentioned and managed to track them down on the internet to thank them and let them know that Pearl is OK.

Also, Ruby went happily with them and she behaved impeccably throughout the whole thing. She didn't request any attention for the whole time we were waiting for the ambulance, and she didn't even cry throughout the time we were at the hospital while Pearl was being observed even though this was a good three hours after her bed time.

In fact, we were so incredibly fortunate that I am actually finding myself stopping and freaking out because I wonder if this is all a dream and if I will wake up to find that the reality is that Pearl is dead.

I know that I should feel that all my other troubles are as nothing now, but actually I am still depressed about the prospect of going back to work. I didn't want to leave the kids and now I don't want to even more. I have to, of course, and we are broke and, blah blah, I chose this course, but being at work is so pointless (because I don't get given any meaningful work because I am part-time and my boss hates that).

Next time might not be the same as last time. After all, I went back at the same time that Pearl's problems reached a crescendo and I did not want to be there at all. We were going to three or four doctor's appointments a week trying to figure out what was wrong.

And then I was pregnant while I was working three days a week and I was exhausted, and Pearl hated me being at work. Every night when I came home she would want to be with me and it would take hours and hours to get her to sleep, and I would wind up weeping with exhaustion, eating a slice of toast for dinner and going back to work.

So maybe it will be different this time. It's only nine weeks til I go back. There will be more money (though not at first when I am only at one day a week). But I will not get to be with them, and I basically don't want to leave them, especially not now.