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Movies I want made
Apr. 15th, 2015 09:46 amHere is my pitch to Hollywood about two books I’d like to see adapted.
One is Mary Renault’s *The King Must Die* which is the story of Theseus the minotaur slayer redressed and given a historical and archaeological basis. It’s set in the Minoan world where various youths are sent to Minos to be offered to the gods as bull dancers. Theseus manages to get there, keep all of his group alive, and overthrow the whole system assisted by an earthquake and a peasant uprising related to the effete nobles not taking the sacrifices seriously.
Most of the story takes place on Minos, amidst a richly decorated palace, with Theseus, a few of his favourites and a host of other bull leapers. The thing that Renault emphasises again and again about these bull dancers is that they are beautiful and young and nearly naked. I am pretty sure there is a market for a movie about a group of beautiful, young, nearly naked people doing amazing acts of athleticism and being heroic. The plot is essentially that beautiful youths are kidnapped, Theseus volunteers to join them (because – hero), they are beautiful and naked and jump over bulls, Theseus has a love interest, they defeat the evil empire. How could you lose with that plot?
The book was actually optioned as a movie in the 1970s but they ran into the problem of there not being any actual bull dancers (and, you know, it being insanely dangerous/near suicidal to leap over a bull’s back). But CGI! You could make it look really real without having to risk having your actors gored.
The only downside for Hollywood that I can see is that *The King Must Die* depicts a vigorously pantheistic world. There are lots of gods. Theseus himself is the son of a god who visited his mother in the form of a man. It is wise to not offend any local gods that might be around. The book is deeply religious, with all the characters believing in various gods, praying to personal gods and believing themselves to be sacrifices to a particular father god. This would perhaps not be in accord with modern beliefs – though Renault is careful to show nothing that could not be caused by non-supernatural causes. For instance, the king of Minos is dying after being cursed but also after his bracelet was taken and returned – after which he got a leprous infection beginning under the bracelet.
The other book that I long to be made into a movie is Robert Heinlein’s *Between Planets*. Like *The King Must Die*, it could not have been made when it was first written, but with modern CGI it could look so good.
And it has everything that a Hollywood movie needs. The protagonist is a young everyman. It has the corrupt and decadent Earth which seeks to control the free frontier planets. It has a scene in a decadent nightclub on decadent Earth. It has amusing technology to show you it is the future (the alarm clock that dumps him out of bed). It has big scenes set in space with explosions. Lots of scope for spectacle. And once he gets to Venus, it has Venusian dragons which would be marvellous in CGI (and the marketing potential!) and who are full of Yoda-ish wisdom. Plus it has plucky settlers, full of grit and spirit. It has cute native wildlife (again with the marketing sidelines). It even has a love interest who adds humour.
This book is basically the perfect collection of everything that Hollywood loves and I want to see it.
One is Mary Renault’s *The King Must Die* which is the story of Theseus the minotaur slayer redressed and given a historical and archaeological basis. It’s set in the Minoan world where various youths are sent to Minos to be offered to the gods as bull dancers. Theseus manages to get there, keep all of his group alive, and overthrow the whole system assisted by an earthquake and a peasant uprising related to the effete nobles not taking the sacrifices seriously.
Most of the story takes place on Minos, amidst a richly decorated palace, with Theseus, a few of his favourites and a host of other bull leapers. The thing that Renault emphasises again and again about these bull dancers is that they are beautiful and young and nearly naked. I am pretty sure there is a market for a movie about a group of beautiful, young, nearly naked people doing amazing acts of athleticism and being heroic. The plot is essentially that beautiful youths are kidnapped, Theseus volunteers to join them (because – hero), they are beautiful and naked and jump over bulls, Theseus has a love interest, they defeat the evil empire. How could you lose with that plot?
The book was actually optioned as a movie in the 1970s but they ran into the problem of there not being any actual bull dancers (and, you know, it being insanely dangerous/near suicidal to leap over a bull’s back). But CGI! You could make it look really real without having to risk having your actors gored.
The only downside for Hollywood that I can see is that *The King Must Die* depicts a vigorously pantheistic world. There are lots of gods. Theseus himself is the son of a god who visited his mother in the form of a man. It is wise to not offend any local gods that might be around. The book is deeply religious, with all the characters believing in various gods, praying to personal gods and believing themselves to be sacrifices to a particular father god. This would perhaps not be in accord with modern beliefs – though Renault is careful to show nothing that could not be caused by non-supernatural causes. For instance, the king of Minos is dying after being cursed but also after his bracelet was taken and returned – after which he got a leprous infection beginning under the bracelet.
The other book that I long to be made into a movie is Robert Heinlein’s *Between Planets*. Like *The King Must Die*, it could not have been made when it was first written, but with modern CGI it could look so good.
And it has everything that a Hollywood movie needs. The protagonist is a young everyman. It has the corrupt and decadent Earth which seeks to control the free frontier planets. It has a scene in a decadent nightclub on decadent Earth. It has amusing technology to show you it is the future (the alarm clock that dumps him out of bed). It has big scenes set in space with explosions. Lots of scope for spectacle. And once he gets to Venus, it has Venusian dragons which would be marvellous in CGI (and the marketing potential!) and who are full of Yoda-ish wisdom. Plus it has plucky settlers, full of grit and spirit. It has cute native wildlife (again with the marketing sidelines). It even has a love interest who adds humour.
This book is basically the perfect collection of everything that Hollywood loves and I want to see it.
